My Constant
by DoctheWriter
Summary: After the End of Days battle, Buffy looks for something to ground her and a meaning to everything that has happened.


Title: My Constant  
Author: Doc BAfanforever@eternal.ws  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters...only the plot and my words..hehe  
Synopsis: After the End of Days....Buffy finds something to hold onto   
Timeline: Future fic..  
Feedback: I want it, you want to give it...right?

**WARNING**: Angsty!  


There are times in life when you have to choose which path you're going to take. There's always the well-beaten one, but then again, there's the one less traveled. I think I spent most of my teen life wishing that I were something other than what I am. I wished that my nights were spent grinding away at the Bronze to the newest local band, snuggling down with my honey. I wished that every waking moment wasn't spent averting an apocalypse or fighting the newest resident evil. I guess I finally just accepted that this was the way my life was going to be. I was the Chosen One…no denying that. After all, I did have Giles breathing down my neck and reminding me of it every day of my life. God how I wish he were here now. I wish he were here so he could tell me what I'm supposed to do. Here so he could clean his glasses in that funny little way that he always did. He told me once that he did it so often to keep from seeing what was going on around him. Personally, I think it was just a nervous tick. I wish that Willow were here to give me a great big bear hug and tell me that it is all going to work out fine; to smile her toothy grin and love me in that "best friend" way. I wish she were here to be excited about researching and to need my advice on life's little problems. I think I'll be missing Xander the most. I can't hear his silly laugh when he makes a joke only he thinks is funny. I'll never hear him and Anya exchange their silly banter, or laugh when he has to stop her from speaking about their overly charged sex life. And, you can't miss Xander without missing Anya. So many times she told me to "come look at the money" whenever I was feeling down; "it always makes me feel better," she would say. I remember Wills telling me about her fruit punch speech when mom died. I never looked at Anya the same way again. How could someone so blunt, and seemingly uncaring about others feelings, care so much about my mother who she had only met on one or two occasions. Of course there's always Tara, Oz, and yes, even Spike who will forever hold their own little corner in my heart. Tara was my friend when I had no one to turn to. When my friends were too judgmental, she always leant me her open, caring ear. Oz, though I have not seen him, until now, for many years, developed into what I always knew he would…the sweetest guy in the world. My ever-present annoyance, Spike took hold of me and brought me back down to earth, and grounded me just as I was slipping away. I think about them all as I sit here, stroking Dawn's hair and whispering in her ear that things will be all right now. It's over. I look around me at the battlefield, formerly known as my hometown, and my heart seems to fall into a million pieces. If the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again, I know there is no hope for my shattered heart. My friends lie near and far between. I think of him now, in my darkest hour. I lost him in the chaos that erupted. I know he has probably left me like all the others. I feel Dawn's breath slow, and she squeezes my hand. My brave little sister. Made from a warrior, but built as a mere mortal. We thought she was safe after Glory. We didn't think anything else would come for her. But, as things always do in my life, it all went wrong. The demons attacked, and it took all of our strength, emotionally, physically, mentally, and it eventually took our lives. It's over now. Shhhh, don't cry my precious Dawnie. I look around me at all the innocent lives that were sacrificed, and I finally realize, Buffy Anne Summers, this is your life. Demons, passion, heartache, pain, love, friends, the fight, its me. I am, simply, me. I look just above the horizon, and I see a shadow vaguely coming towards me. I look down at my dying sister, and she stares back at me, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"Buffy, will I see mom soon?"

"No Dawnie, you have to hold on just a little longer."

I watch as the shadow grows closer, and I feel a tug at my heart.

"There's someone coming. We're going to get you all patched up and you'll be good as new."

"Buffy, its so beautiful, and warm. Is this what it was like?"

I realize that she's too far gone, and I reassure her, "Yes Dawn. Do you know how much I love you? Tell me you do."

"I do Buffy. We all do. Buffy, promise me."

"What Dawnie?"

Her voice is barely above a whisper and I can't make out her words. She gives my hand one last squeeze, and draws her last.

"Dawnie….Dawn…"

I can't handle all the loss, and my eyes swell with tears. If only I could have promised her.

"She said to live, for her."

I look up and see his familiar face and my tears come harder. I remember the many times I have looked upon his face after a battle, and realized, that no matter what I loose in life, he is my constant. My light in the storm, my shelter from the cold, and my cure for the pain. I lean down and kiss Dawn's forehead and lay her down gently next to Tara. I take his hand, and I know. All of it, the pain, the fighting, the struggle, its over.

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